We Got Your Horror Right Here.

"Our consistantly underperforming bookshelf sections in each store are Horror and Science. We have decided to put the Horror section up for sale to offset our losses and to expand our Thriller and Paranormal Romance sections. We have not decided on the Science section just yet but if sales still trend towards Intelligent Design books and Witchcraft and New Age we will seek buyers for the science section as well."

When asked why don't they just intermingle the Horror section in with Literature and Fiction, a Borders spokesman stated, "Why would we want to do that? We need the room for more Mitch Albom and Nanny Diaries sequels. Plus horror is well represented in Literature and Fiction with the likes of Ann Rice and two Library of America Poe collections."